Although this show has been on for 5 seasons, it continues to make me laugh out loud at least two or three times an episode. In this week's episode, it was Gloria yelling "That's Long Ham." Let me explain.
What do you know, a modern family flies on JetBlue (good choice), AND goes to Las Vegas to hang out! This week's episode opens with the fam heading out to Vegas. As per usual, everyone has their own agendas (how else would they get themselves in the pickles they are always getting into? Or rather, "giant cucumbers" in Cam's words). Jay gets everyone some platinum cards, which he's pretty proud about. Gloria comments, "Silver, pretty!" in her usual hilarious tone of voice.
Cam and Mitchell run into Mitchell's ex-bf Langham (Fred Armisen) who is there having a bachelor party. Cam wants to party more than Mitchell, but he feels "kilty" about it so instead of telling him out right, he ditches Mitch during a massage for the "Bananas in Cabanas" pool party. He returns just in time to see Mitchell emerge from the massage room. Mitchell points out the glitter on his face. Cam says he thinks his masseuse leads a double live, which Mitchell believes. Nice save, Cam.
Meanwhile, Phil has been invited to a secret magician's society and has a big trick called Metamorphosis that he wants to show. Claire pretends to be mad at him for paying too much attention to his audition so that she can go gamble and win the money she lost for their 25th anniversary trip. It's times like these where one understands why these two are married to each other. Claire looks straight into the camera and says, "Vegas, you have a gambling problem, and her name is Claire."
Phil meets the pivot of the ensuing chaos: the 24 hour butler, Leslie Higgins. "I'm Leslie Higgins, it's a boy's name where I'm from," he says in basically one breath. Leslie attempts to help Phil with his luggage, which includes handcuffs and a whip. Awkward. Leslie's first thought is not that Phil is into magic, let's just say.
Meanwhile, Gloria eyes Rebarka, the female equivalent to Barkley, the doggy butler. One peek and it's understandable why Gloria doesn't want Jay to see the ugly thing and want to buy it as a companion to Barkley.
Jay finds out there's a level above Excelsior. He must get to Excelsior Plus. He MUST.
Gloria bumps into Claire. Claire realizes all the men around the table have a hot babe, so she gets Gloria to be hers. She wins back all her money, yay!
The glory of winning back all the 25th anniversary trip money doesn't last long. Gambling Problem Claire has to get back on the floor. She bumps into Mitchell, who she bullies into going to the blackjack table. "You sound just like the kid who bullied me into my first cigarette," says Mitchell. "Maybe this time you won't tell on me," sneers Claire.
Mitchell bumps into his ex Langham again at the blackjack table and accidentally leaves his room key. His ex thinks its an invitation to his room. Let the craziness begin. The best thing about this show is how it modernizes slapstick comedy, much like the amazing comedy done by old 70s movies like "What's Up Doc."
Here's where it gets confusing and very hilarious. Gloria sees Rebarka in her and Jay's room and sends Jay off for cigars. Gloria dumps Rebarka in Claire and Phil's room. Meanwhile, Mitchell asks Leslie to draw up a romantic bath for him and Cam. He goes off to find ice, as his ex-bf comes up to his room where Leslie invites him in for the bath. Phil is also drawing a bath for Claire. Leslie walks in and sees Rebarka and thinks Phil's wife is the dog butler. Cam returns to the room to an excited Mitchell; Langham is already in the bath, thinking it's going to be a romantic rendezvous with Mitchell. Cam and Mitchell walk into the bathroom and both are surprised to see Langham. Langham now thinks it's going to a threesome. Meanwhile, Langham's fiance Tim is searching for his promiscious husband to be. Langham runs into Jay and Gloria's room. Jay, thinking it's Burt Tanner, shakes his hand. Gloria walks in and Jay intorduces him to "Burt Tanner." Gloria says, "That's not Burt Tanner, that's LONG HAM!"
Gloria, in her towel only, goes into Claire and Phil's room to borrow Claire's hair products. Her towel gets stuck in the door between their rooms, and she attempts to pull it out before Phil and the leader of the secret magician's society (Patton Oswalt) walk in. She runs into the closet, where Phil places Rebarka, not knowing Gloria is hiding in there. Phil then performs his magic trick, but Oswalt is not impressed. That is until Phil accidentally causes smoke and Gloria pops out wearing Rebarka's outfit. She takes an awkward bow.
Meanwhile, Jay has managed to impress Burt Tanner with the Cuban he ordered (Gloria walks in wearing Rebark's maid outfit) and the Scotch he was looking out for (Kilty as charged) - a group of shirtless dancing men in kilts. "I like your style, Jay," Tanner says as he hands him a card for Excelsior Plus.
Jay is getting a shave up at Excelsior Plus. He asks if they can have the harpist play at their brunch. "Oh I'm sorry that's only for Excelsior Ultra," the shaving butler says. Only in Vegas.
