"Danny, I don't want to have sex with you." Mindy wants to slow things down, despite the fact that she has never wanted to slow things down with a guy. She must really like Danny! (Duh). Danny is weirdly pushy about having sex. Actually it's not weird, coming from Danny. Then Danny, in a futile attempt to get his way, says there are thousands of girls in NYC who want to have sex with him right now. Oh really, says Mindy. Prove it. Danny of course calls like 25 girls who all reject him, until finally, one woman says yes, but "her rates have gone up." Oops.
The next morning, Mindy goes to the office to find out that Danny has viral meningitis and is hospitalized. She bursts into his hospital room with a dramatic speech about his having so much to live for. Richie, Danny's equally adorable brother, is in the room to witness the event. "Richie, can you go find me the white nurse?"Mindy says to Richie, who runs off. "Oh he'll be gone for hours." Haha, hospital joke! Then Danny asks Mindy for a little BJ on his death bed. Good god, is this what Danny is like in a relationship? Less sex talk, more dancing, Castellano.
Meanwhile, Peter texts Mindy that there is an emergency. Mindy runs to his office, where she finds out that the sex tape she made with an ex-boyfriend is on the internet. Also, Peter "gratified" himself while watching it. This is why you should never make a sex tape or take a naked photo of yourself, kids.
In order to "squash this," they go straight to the source, Mindy's creepy dentist ex-boyfriend Tom, who says he had nothing to do with it. Except he lent it to his brother when he got divorced. Oops. Tom doesn't want anything to do this because he just started dating his dental assistant, who has a totally dead affect. Tom is going to leave the sex tape on her desk so Mindy can destroy it.
Next up, Peter and Mindy go to Sploderzz.com to get the video taken down. "Sploderzz is a Family Business," the co-founders say. Then they tell a hilarious story about how the family business started and then red shirt does a tribute to his company founding grandfather and says, "Miss you pop-pop. Horny freak." Unfortunately, they can't take the video down as "there's a growing market for Indian BBW." What is Indian BBW? "Indian Big Beautiful Woman." Uh oh. Mindy is annoyed of course. "Look at these wrists! Look at how dainty they are! They can barely hold up the enormous calzones I eat." Luckily, Peter and the two other D-Bags all went to Dartmouth so yay, they will take the video down for Mindy! But then she gets super tempted to take $300K to show her boobs. That would buy a lot of calzones, guys.
Morgan comes by with Mindy's work at Danny's hospital room because she's going to spend the night there. Oops, the sex tape CD is in the pile of her work. While Mindy and Peter nonchalantly discuss elevator vs. stairs, while Danny unknowingly watches the sex tape. Peter and Mindy run into Danny's hospital room, where Danny is freaking out. Then Peter is like, wait, wait, wait, times 20. Are Mindy and Peter "porking"?? Mindy then faints, because she has caught Danny's meningitis.
Sweet fratty Peter brings Tom to Danny's hospital room so that Tom can tell him that Mindy and he did all the weird sex stuff because Mindy never really liked him. Mindy does however really like and maybe even love Danny. Appeased, Danny goes up to Mindy's room to "borrow her Bridget Jones Diary." Then he reads it to her in "voices." So freaking cute guys. Cutest viral meningitis cases ever.
