Stephan Bonnar thought that the fight against Anderson Silva was the break that he had been waiting for but it turns out, it became his worst nightmare.

Bonnar fought Silva at the UFC 153 in Oct. 2012 where the results were not goof for Bonnar. He lost the fight against Silva, he tested positive for steroids during the post-fight drug test where he ended up retiring from the games.

Last Monday during an interview with MMA Hour, Bonnar talked about his dilemma after the drug test fall out as well as his comeback with Bellator via a fight with Tito Ortiz in on Nov. 15.

Bonnar said "It completely blew up in my face. It was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It was the closest to offing myself I've ever been. It just sucked. So, anyway. That's why I'm so jaded now. That's the reason."

Bonnar then explained the reason why he started popping steroids. He said that he hadn't been fighting for almost a year when he was asked to help a couple of fighters to prepare for their fights. No knowing that he would be called to fight Silva, he thought that there would be no harm in doing a steroid cycle.

He continued "I haven't been in the gym. I'm weak, I'm skinny, I got some stem cell procedures done on my knee, I took a lot of time off. I'm like, crap. I'm really injury prone. So it was like, you know what, I have a month before I have to go train. So yeah, I'm not worried about getting tested any more. I'm going to do a cycle of steroids. My goal, to get big and strong. I'm going to eat a lot, lift heavy weights, get big and strong. Don't have to worry about my cardio, don't have to worry about making weight, and don't have to worry about getting drug tested. So that's what I did. I never thought I had to fight again."

But, as he didn't expect, the call to fight Silva came.

He said "By the time I got that call I had been off them for a couple weeks. So it was like, oh man, now I have to work on my cardio, diet really good and be ready for this fight, hey if I beat Anderson Silva, the s- is out of my system, I'm going to rule the world."

But it didn't go out as he thought it would be. He lost to Silva via TKO, then tested positive to Drostanolone and finally announced his retirement.

Bonnar said "That's a terrible way to go out. It definitely is. I can't even watch it, I'd watch the UFC or fighting and I'd just get depressed. ... people would call me a cheater and a piece of s--. You don't want to be sitting there defending yourself."